do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
