My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
