She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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