She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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