Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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