Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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