ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
