why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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