Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
