Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize