great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
