pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
