I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
