you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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