Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
