Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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