Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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