Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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