Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
They took my balls.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
