Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MIDGETS
????
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
