Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
