I accidentally had phone sex last night
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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