You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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