i may or may not be watching the land before time
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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