where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
