on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
