How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
