They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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