Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize