Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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