My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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