I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
