I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize