so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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