its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
