You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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