I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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