I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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