She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
