listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
