I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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