Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
