i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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