just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
