i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize