So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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