but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
