Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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