Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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