I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
