What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
