I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
