Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
