butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just sent this text using only my big toe
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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