is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
