We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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