He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk is a universal language darling
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
