Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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