You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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