I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
