I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
