Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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