So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
