i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
