i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
