i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
