day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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