Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
